You spend a lot of energy trying to convince yourself that you don't love me... trying to talk yourself out of feeling that feeling that you are so afraid to feel for me... but then there are the other times when you open up and show me your heart... you are so beautiful that it's hard not to get caught up in you... you are smart and funny... but your heart fights with your head... and the problem with that is that your inability to love me honestly and openly tends to make me feel insecure and so I struggle to be more of what you want in a woman... rather than more of what and who I am... which is silly, because if I would just stop trying to be what it is that I think that you want and just be me... I think that we might just find that it is me that makes you do that crazy little thing called "love."
This time, while you were away... I met someone... yes, I discovered a new love... She was a tough one to get close to... sort of pretty... not a beauty but hey, she's alright... Her eyes shine like the midnight sun... if I could just get her to smile more often... help her to get past the sadness... encourage her to face her fears... She intrigued me as I studied her pain... though to see her I had to look hard... reaching past the walls that she has built up around her... walls that she claims to have built to protect herself... Maybe I'll be able to tell you more about those walls as time goes on. She seems so warm and caring... gentle and kind... and she has a wonderful sense of humor... I really do think that I could love her.
Anyhow, I met her while we were working out... I was sweaty and my hair a mess... I was out of breath and I'm sure I had a look of pain on my face as I pushed myself... trying so hard to be more... or should I say less... for you.
Now that I think of it... I should thank you for inspiring me... for hurting me... and for pushing me to find a new love... I should thank you for helping me to find... me.
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