Friday, May 30, 2008

She's The One

You spend a lot of energy trying to convince yourself that you don't love me... trying to talk yourself out of feeling that feeling that you are so afraid to feel for me... but then there are the other times when you open up and show me your heart... you are so beautiful that it's hard not to get caught up in you... you are smart and funny... but your heart fights with your head... and the problem with that is that your inability to love me honestly and openly tends to make me feel insecure and so I struggle to be more of what you want in a woman... rather than more of what and who I am... which is silly, because if I would just stop trying to be what it is that I think that you want and just be me... I think that we might just find that it is me that makes you do that crazy little thing called "love."

This time, while you were away... I met someone... yes, I discovered a new love... She was a tough one to get close to... sort of pretty... not a beauty but hey, she's alright... Her eyes shine like the midnight sun... if I could just get her to smile more often... help her to get past the sadness... encourage her to face her fears... She intrigued me as I studied her pain... though to see her I had to look hard... reaching past the walls that she has built up around her... walls that she claims to have built to protect herself... Maybe I'll be able to tell you more about those walls as time goes on. She seems so warm and caring... gentle and kind... and she has a wonderful sense of humor... I really do think that I could love her.

Anyhow, I met her while we were working out... I was sweaty and my hair a mess... I was out of breath and I'm sure I had a look of pain on my face as I pushed myself... trying so hard to be more... or should I say less... for you.

Now that I think of it... I should thank you for inspiring me... for hurting me... and for pushing me to find a new love... I should thank you for helping me to find... me.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Searching for My Beautiful Reward

It's been a few days now... I'll continue to leave a trail... hoping that you will follow it and find your way to my blogspot. I so want to reach out and take your hand and guide you here... but I think that it would be so nice if you were to find me on your own... you are so close... just move your mouse a little to the left...

I wonder if you even realize that I have a place here that craves your attention.

Would you like some hot coffee??

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Princess Cards she sends me...

I remember when you would hurry home from work eagar to dial the phone knowing that I would be there waiting and wanting to listen to your joys... to understand your concerns... giggling as you told your secrets... marveling as you shared what you had discovered in the record shop around the corner from home. We spent hours on the phone... bonding... connecting... laughing at life's pains... we shared and cared... as we grew closer.

Things feel so different now... as you rush home to your blog anxious to tell the (cyber)world about your new discoveries... Like an artist painting a picture you type up your wonderful review and then just before going to bed you contact me with the link and a goodnight kiss...

Hungry for more of you... I click on your link... and read your blog with delight... you are amazing... what a gift you have to be able to share your knowledge and opinions with such interest. How it warms me to stumble upon one of your silly little typos because I know how much you appreciate my "good-eye".

I slowly swallow your words... trying to absorb all that you've given as I watch your site meter rise. I'm so happy that you are happy... but oh how I miss your voice...

Last night you went to a show and this morning I got your message that you had an amazing time... but it seems that I will have to wait with the rest of the world for your review... you're "working on it now"... so it will be posted on your blog soon.

I just want to talk to you... have I lost you to your blog?
Wait... Is that the phone?? "Hi Baby!!"